Soliloquy of Domestic Alienation

How did I let it get this way?
How did it all become so hard
Just to stand and say,
I love you,
And we like it that way.

Bodies touch,
But our hearts seem far away.
Oh, its just me,
So you say.
How do I make it all ok?

BAM.
The reflection that I'm really just
Off on my own,
Hits me,
Like a tsunami to the face.

Is that why I feel like I'm drowning?
In a sea of confusion,
Full of waves of voices,
Telling me not to surge and sway,
Not to be tossed to and fro
In the midst of this goddamned
Clandestine clusterfuck of a day?

Is this then the source of my dismay?
My own alienation from all that I do,
All that I can be.
I want so hard to see right through,
All the fog that surrounds me.

Who made up this obsolete declaration,
That for me to simply cross the floor to you,
We need endlessly strut back and forth,
Regardless of our hearts' combined palpitations?

We gotta get out of our own way,
Stop trippin', stop struttin',
Stop doin all the things,
That conceive and birth our deep dismay.

Hey!
Knock knock, I'm at the door of your Mind,
Tryin' to enter, to just be seen as me,
And not the upside-down cartoon character,
Blown up on your internal flatscreen.

Its hard enough getting a clear view,
Of the assemblage that is me,
But to do it for us both,
We first have to dismiss the machines.

Where's the audience?
I'm the only one in the room,
So who you tryin' to impress?
Who you tryin' to convince,
That you're oh-so-strong?

Well-intended it may be,
But for me its sharpened prongs,
Betraying my sense of closeness,
To be our best kind of We.

This is the Key,
In my estimation:
To lay our scripts aside.
Gotta air out the dirty laundry,
Forgetting the past and reaching inside.

While we run our fools' errands,
We run in circles 'round the door that,
We need so desperately to open.
Take this my token,
Of my affection:

I was there for your resurrection.
Cast aside arbitrary concepts of imperfection,
And try to see the you I see,
Just hang free and kiss,
Me.

On Top o' the World

On top of the world,
With ma' girl.
Let you in on a secret.
Can you keep it?

I'm flyin high.
Higher than my mind can dream.
And I,
I just can't seem,
To fully comprehend this fantasy,
This my reality.
Do you see?
Can you feel me?

I been down a rocky road.
Tryin so damn hard not to be a toad.
But just when I couldn't see my
Hand before my eyes,
I tell you baby I learned to fly,
Through the night sky.

I'm on top o' the world,
With my girl.
Let you in on a secret.
Can you keep it?

I let my dreams unfurl.
'Cuz my heart is bursting
Through the seams girl.

September

Summer fades.
The Winds begin to shift.
Tossed emotions start to wane.
I begin again as more of Me,
Remembers that all is as it should be.

As I sit here,
With the love of my life,
Her head in my lap,
My heart in her hands,

I delcare all fleeting brokenness,
To be but contraband.
No longer allowed anywhere near,
This sacred rock on which I stand.

Welcome, September,
My dearest Friend.
Bringer of Wisdom,
Peace and Fruitfulness.

Your presence made known,
Conundrums completely resolve,
All my tensions discintigrate.
And my fresh scars once again dissolve.

Hail sacred September,
Bringer of my Peace.
With you come the Winds cool and sharp.
To my Heart you bring release.

All my frets turn to wonder.
All my worries alchemized to bliss.
The heavy burdens have cut my weaknesses asunder;
Athena has granted me her holy Kiss.

Thank you, divine September.
I ascend your cool breezes,
To better places so much more my home;
It is my truest Essence this work most appeases.

Be with me, September, my love.
Lift my Heart and Soul.
Turn my sorrows into Art,
As the leaves transform their colors,
And play their sacred part.

All is well once again;
The coin has turned anew.
The toil has yeilded Mabon's harvest,
And the holy Serpent has coiled true.

Teach me your ways, dear September.
Induct me into your pack.
My lesson first and foremost,
In Love, Life, and Liberty,
Never will I lack.

Blessed be.

Birds All A'larking

Footsteps behind me.
Footsteps before me.
Eyes and ears all around.
The eternal Sound.
Makes my Heart pound.

Feathers and frolicking.
Jesters and birds all a'larking.
Wasn't this the way
It was meant to be?

As the wind makes love to the leaves on the tree,
Won't you just come here and
Be...with me.
Today.
Right now.

Do you ever stop to think and get,
Drowned in your thoughts,
In your head-soup that consumes all of,
You.
Do you?

Did you ever stop to think that,
Maybe, just maybe, you've spent,
Far too much time a'thinkin',
While you could be out LIVING!!!!!!
Living....
Today.
Right now.

I choose to Live.
I choose to Breathe.
I choose to Love.
I choose to Be Me.

Footsteps behind me.

Footsteps before me.

Eyes and ears all around.

The eternal Sound.

Makes my Heart pound.

Feathers and frolicking.

Jesters and birds all a'larking.

Wasn't this the way 

It was meant to be?

As the wind makes love to the leaves on the tree,

Won't you just come here and

Be...with me?

One Part Sparta

One part Sparta. One part Troy.

Three parts Atlantis. These comprise my internal alloy.

Four parts Sage. Three parts Courtesan.

I spiral ad nauseam to splice these into one. 

I dance with my demons inside the volcanic cathedral.

Each a copy of myself, wearing a different piercing mask.

Daring me descend my darkest staircase.

Flashing me what I hide from myself.

My beloved ignorance assassins.

I wrestle my angels through the brumal skies.

Each resounding a different Who that I can become. 

Taunting me to prove my worth 'til I sputter and fall in disgrace.

Only after I'm exhausted do they take me in their radiant arms.

Protection must be earned, I've found. 

Did I choose this path? It was so very long ago.

Before I learned that clocks were gods

That men were but pigs

Women mere coaxing harpies, 

That dreams were but nocturnal chemistry. 

I fear the cowards who came before have lied to us all.

Slashing down those who would expose the sloth.

Dare I speak?

Dare I betray my consciousness to the Game?

Or do I just play?

Did I miss my bus?

Why did I pick so late a flight?

It all seems so slow. 

So drawn out; I fear I'll never be able to let go.

I cry for salvation, but from what?

From this? From Time, from Self? 

I, the Gladiator, forever sparring my own reflection.

Who is this man in the mirror? Does he see me, too?

Does his heart beat? 

Do the same shadows spawned betwixt his temples

And sack his sanity so?

Does he crave perfection - even just a moment of genuine rest?

Does he change and grow as I liken him to? I digress.

For whatever purpose, I am stranded here. 

Here on this wet pulsing sphere. 

Wearing a cellular mask that I puppet at will.

Whatever am I to do to keep out this psychic chill?

Truth be told, I'm grateful to be so well supplied

For this solo camping trip in which I'm now entrenched. 

Stepping stones rise to my toes; my outer enemies defied.

And my gifts strive to keep out the stench. 

But what of my people, those of the solar eyes?

Those who speak with the voice of a thousand rivers,

Those who touch with the magnitude of earthquakes,

Those who dance like flames of fire,

Whose love is felt like supernova blasting through deep space?

Come to me, my people. Hold your beaming sigils high;

That I may remember. 

That I may once again know my Family, and release a mighty cry.

My mindthrashes put the rumbling thunders to shame.

My heartburning defies the arresting stings of deepest Winter. 

I live.

I breathe. 

I know.

I hear.

I touch. 

I See. 

I am here. 

Where are you?

Carpe diem.

Carpe noctem. 

Carpe omnia.

Noise.
Noise.
All this Noise.

So loud.
Fireworks between my ears.
Boom boom.
Boom.

I squint so hard,
To see.
I want to see what's there:
What's here,
Inside of me.

I want to see,
Me.
I stand in awe,
Of the billions of stars,
All silently watching me,
Teaching me,
Reading to me,
That which I write with my steps,
With the wake of my pulsing heart,
With the waves crashing on the shores of my Mind.

Stepping stones rise to my feet.
I open the door and a palace forms before me.
Holy Mother has heard my cries.
Holy Father has sparked a flame.

I hold a torch once again.
I grow; I prosper.
Wahe Guru.
Carpe omnia.

I Have Remembered

Have you given any thought,
To the state of your wound,
The shape of your heart,
The pace of your mood?

Disheveled and pale,
Shielded lest you fail...
All can hear the gale,
Of your silent wailing.....

Today...
A change will be made.
I have lifted the shade,
And refuse to remain jaded...

Today will I Find,
The holy Fire within,
Burning so brightly,
Like a thousand torches.

Tonight do I rise,
And shine like a thousand suns,
I have remembered.
I have redeemed.

I have claimed my Creed.
This, my deepest Need.
To Breathe in your Love and,
Scream.

I am.

I Am Whole Again

Om

Om

Om

So close to me,
A short infinity,
Oh, what do you want from me?!?
I wish so hard upon my lucky stars,
That you would just open your eyes and...
See!!!!

Away!
Away with you.
I will awake from this churning sea,
From this dream,
Of all the mosquitoes and,
ME.

Star of Deliverance,
Will you shine down on me?
Son of the Morning,
Will you just look at me?
Look at me now.

I am free!
Free to live,
Free to breathe,
I am free!
Free to see all of the colors I wish to see,
Free to again be,
Me!

Free to live in Love,
And feel again that Peace,
I am whole again.
I am whole again.
I am whole again.
I am Whole Again!

My Friends, please gather round,
This sacred Tree.
Please hold me now as I rise,
And take my Flight!
Into the starry night.
Endless Delight!

Who could have thought?
Who could have seen?
This strange decree.
That I would lose me,
Just so I could wake to meet the,
God within the Deep!

Arise!
Arise!
Arise!
Shine forth through the galaxies,
Within.
Without.

Blast through all that stands in your way,
Inside,
And out.

Free to live in Love,

And feel again that Peace,

I am whole again.

I am whole again.

I am whole again.

I am Whole Again!

My Friends, please gather round,

This sacred Tree.

Please hold me now as I rise,

And take my Flight!

Into the starry night.

Endless Delight!

Free to live in Love,

And feel again that Peace,

I am whole again.

I am whole again.

I am whole again.

I am Whole Again!

My Friends, please gather round,

This sacred Tree.

Please hold me now as I rise,

And take my Flight!

Into the starry night.

Endless Delight!

Ong namo Guru dev namo.

Om

Om

Om

Regeneration

Smack me once,
Shame on you.
Smack me twice,
Shame on me.
Smack me thrice...

Woah...
I found the devil in a bunny suit.
Who would have thought - who could have seen?
At first glance, it was kinda cute.
At first it looked rather serene.

Little did I know,
That the joke was on me,
In my haste for circumstance,
I saw only what I wanted to see.

Suffering has now given me the Key,
To Life, to Love,
To my very Sanity.
So off come the gloves.

Smackin' me down,
Just lets me learn how to stand back up,
It hurts for a moment,
But when all's said and all's done,

I can now say what I mean,
And live what I say.
Wahe Guru
I bow to my eternal Source of wisdom.

Filling my spine with lightning,
Flooding my mind with Light,
From my Heart flows the true Fountain of Youth,
Oh what a sight!

Tours of the Underworld,
Reshape the mold from which you were cast.
A new breath is sweetest,
After thinking you had had your last.

Like the tiny blocks of matter,
That surround us on all sides.
We slam against each other,
For seconds Oh so brief,
To blast off a new Creation.
Regeneration!

The Time is Now.
Our Victory is at hand.
Never did I know before,
Just how much I could withstand.

My eyes see so deeply.
They tell the story.
No words necessary.
Rising from my Great Fall,
One look says All.

Om Mani Padme Hum

Om Mani Padme Hum

Ong Namo Guru Dev Namo

Om

Om

Om

We Are the New Dawn

To all those battered and bruised,

To all those falling to the ground,

Heart torn apart,

Let down,

Betrayed,

To all angels with broken wings,

With tear-stained eyes,

And scarred hearts,

Wipe the pain from your eyes,

Breathe in the winds of Change,

Rise from your bloodied knees,

And greet the coming Dawn,

The Morningstar rises to meet you.

Cry out, dear Ones,

For you are not alone.

Gather the pieces of your Heart,

As though they are of gold,

And join us as One.

For with one cry we stand tall.

We Feel.

We Fight.

We Breathe.

We Bleed.

We Weep.

And we Love.

Without Shame.

We Are the New Dawn. 

Carpe Omnia. 

Catch and Release (southern rock)

Oh hey, its you again.
Welcome back;
Glad to see you recognize
That you have no place here anymore.
You are none of my kind.

In your eternal absence,
A whole lot has evolved.
The situation has changed!
Call up Thomas Jefferson,
Cuz I've got something to Declare.

Bait on the hook,
You dangle your wares in my face.
I don't need you.
I don't wanna be you.
So just get out of my way!

Now it's me that holds all the keys.
I'm not playin' this messed up game anymore.
No more.
No more.
No more!
Never again will I play this game of
Catch and Release.

I'm not your pet.
Not some fucked up science project.
Your love comes with needles;
And I'm done acting feeble!

I am stronger than you.
And now I choose to Survive!!!

Bait on the hook.
You dangle your wares in my face.
I don't need you.
I don't wanna be you.

I hold all the keys,
And now I rise from my knees!!!
No more.
No more.
No more!

No more playin' this fucked up game of
Catch and Release.
Catch and Release.

Goodbye.
Goodbye!
Goodbye.

Creature

(still a work in progress)

I don't fit into your cute little boxes. 

I'm a mythical creature.

I'm a Dragon.

Unicorn.

Krakken. 

Baby, I'm your Pegasus!

Watch me as I fly.

Higher than you could ever dream.

As I drink of the crimson sky.

Your face frozen in query.

Scowling.

How dare I tempt you,

Become your mistress,

Rip you from your mundanity! 

You can't control me!

You can't define me!

You can't copy me! 

You can't ever tie me down! 

I don't fit into your cute little boxes, 

I'm not chained to the simple. 

I'm a mythical creature.

I'm a Dragon.

Unicorn.

Krakken. 

Baby, I'm your Pegasus!

Watch me as I fly.

Higher than you could ever dream.

As I drink of the crimson sky.

You look at me with,

Disgust.

Hate.

Envy. 

As I expose my real self, I expose,

You. All that you sold out to.

I'm your Satan - all that you won't let yourself enjoy.

I'm your den of indulgence.

Worship me with your disgust.

For as you hate me, you rip yourself apart.

Tear your ugly mask from your flesh. 

Fly with me - through the stars.

Hate me in ugliness.

Or Love me in illumination.

I'll be waiting.

As I pull the Sun across the skies.

Let me hear your cries. 

Now let us, RISE.

Spread your wings with me and,

RISE.

Ascend with me into the deep. 

All that you've ever dreamed.

All that you want to be.

All your holy Fire.

Make this your sole desire. 

Drink of me and RISE.

This is Reality

Oh. Why must this be?
That my darling spider must,
Cling to,
Hang from,
My oversized tree.

Do you see?
She's weaving up there.
Circles, lines, circles.
Everywhere.

Makes me rip out my,
Hair.
Watching her up there.
Weaving her divine Spectacle,
Her dissertation on,
Time.

How utterly,
Sublime.
Ha ha ha.
Ha.
Ta-da.

As I sink my teeth into your mind,
Your gnosis declares us now same kind.
Though you long so greatly to,
Rewind.
This gift, this curse,
Nevermore will you be,
Blind.

Imprisoned. Captured by the new reality.
Stripped of the familiar.
Forced into the transcendence.
Flow.

Don't fight.
Drink of the No-Time.
Everlasting.
Everlasting.

I stole the Key,
To Eternity.
T-minus three.
Let it Be.

This is Reality.
Taste it.
Breathe it.
See it.

You have Become It.
Awake.
Awake.
Awaken to Life.

Just Me

Oh.
That way you look at me now.
Oh tell me how...
It is that someone sees
That deep into me
Again.

Deeply.
Upside-down, yet completely.
Oh.
How can it be
That I could be loved for
Just being Me.
Do you know what that does to me?
How it makes me
Free?

Baby, you've handed me the Key
To being me.
What's right; what's wrong?
The only thing I know anymore,
The only thing I got,
Is me.

I'm the only thing that's real.
Only how I feel.
That's all that I know;
Just the fucked up Flame
That is me.

Baby, I'm a forest fire,
To ignite and burn is my one desire.
To dance and to pierce with my eternal light.
I am the Venus, penetrating through the endless Night.

Oh, what a sight,
To see how you fly with me,
As you lie with me,
As you die with me,
Phoenix rise from my flames!

Seize my Night.
Seize my Day.
Only please baby please,
Just hold me that way.

Feel my Heart, I pray,
Touch me deep where I cannot reach,
Where I cannot see,
Where I cannot feel.

Trembling like lightning,
I rip my scarred breast open for you,
To hold my burning Heart.
Too hot for me to touch;
Your hands help me to heal.

In this one place am I blind.
I need your eyes;
I need your touch,
To tell me I'm alive.

Baby, I'm a forest fire,
To ignite and burn is my one desire.
Baby, I'm a hurricane,
Please will you run your hands
Deeply through my flowing mane,
Surf my waves, sacred Protector.
So maybe one day I'll know my true Name.
And remember the holy Place from which I came.

Its this journey I must endure,
The gods have decreed.
With tearstained face - my mask melts away,
As I bow to you,
My Valkyrie.

I Love You All

Adrenal glands shooting
Vertigo into my
Loins.
Oh boy.

Stepping out on my own;
Oh, will I get pwned?
Will I like it?
Will I need it?
I do.

Oh, oh!
The blissful feelings flowing through my dendrites,
Up and down my spine,
Through my bound arms,
Shooting out of my Heart.
Take me higher,
As I fire,
My desires,
Into space.

I look into all the face-s,
Of all those who I've been waiting to meet,
Where's the ground - I don't feel it beneath my feet,
Anymore.

My Heart beats for the World,
Seeing the divine in each pair of eyes,
In each pair of arms,
In each pulsing Heart.
I love you all.
I love you all.
I Love you All.

Strength to All, the Archangel said to me.
Stand with me, in Love.
Love for All.
I Love You All.

Pour the Coffee - (For all the urban Amazons)

Pour the coffee.
Start the Worry.
Where do I have to be,
An hour ago?

Time.
Never enough time.
Never enough ways to Mecca.
But baby if all roads lead to Rome,
Then please just walk with me,
And take it one step at a time.

I don't wanna be
Just the next thing on your list.
All this runnin' from A to B,
Makes you a zombie,
By the time you get back to me.

Oh Baby,
While you're chasin' your shadow,
Chasin' the wind,
Don't forget you're not a machine.
Enslaved to that goddamned blackberry.
Like some messed up kinda kinky.
You're an eternal Queen.
So why not act like it?

Follow your dreams!
Be all that you can be.
Be all that you Are.
Take the world by the horns.
...By the balls

But listen up, little Xena,
Remember to breathe,
Put a flower in your hair,
And be where you are, today.

Look me in the eye,
And feel my heart,
Because everything will be ok.

I don't wanna be

Just the next thing on your list. 

All this runnin' from A to B,

Makes you a zombie,

By the time you get back to me.

Oh Baby, 

While you're chasin' your Shadow,

Chasin' the Wind,

Don't forget you're not a machine.

You're an eternal Queen. 

So why not act like it?

Reach for the stars,

Look me in the eye,

And feel my heart,

And everything will be ok. 

With Me

All these arrows that I can't see
Petrify me.
Twist inside me.
Ripping through me.

How do you hide from what's a part of you?
The feelings blind you.
The mouths, they chide you.
The scathing moments glide through you.

And just when the dark room inside
Began to devour me whole,
You were there.
You were there.
When all I really needed was just someone to care,
You were there.

The horns, they blare.
The eyes, they stare.
The stampede just skins you bare...

Just turn cold, they say.
Just bury your heart, they say.
Just be as bland and dead as us, they say.
And just when I stood to throw my Heart into the river

You were there.
You were there.
Running with arms to hold me,
Keeping all I ever loved warm within me.
When all I wanted was just someone to Care,
You were there.

You were there with me.

The Hunt

Time. Time. Time to Feed.
Time to Hunt.
Time to supersede,
Your lethargy; your kind
Start running, for your life I'll soon unwind.

My Lust: your Need.
Our purpose in this percussive race.
Our Bond: this Creed.
Let us ignite this chase.

The Silver Queen on high
Shows her brumal face.
Daggered shadows drawing nigh;
Soon you'll plead for primal grace.

Run. Run. Run and Fly.
Escape this hallowed ground.
Earn your flesh; rise and live.
Before the Dark One's cry begins to sound.

Incomplete Rock/Rappy sexy explicit song

Wrote this in class one day; enjoy.
(Not safe for children...muahahaha).

Little feelings flit to you -
Oh, will you flit over to me, too?
Will you?

Volcanic heart-throngs exploding like popcorn
Attention, attention! Close all the highways.
Martial Law's declared.
The Passion Police are here to play.
Bend over 'n' spread 'em - Assume the position.
I'm fryin' up your bacon, baby.
This is my proposition.

With my electronic fantasy's,
I'ma roastin' up your lamb chops.
My hips are armed and dangerous;
Your image just made me choke.
Keep it juicy, baby; keep it soaked!

Baby, baste YourSelf!

'Cuz maybe later I'm gonna make ya' Taste yourself!

Does Kitty wanna play?
It grows increasingly hard to keep myself at bay.

I got kicked outa' the boyscouts - Thank the gods!
Spent too much time with the ropes;
Now, I'm really good with knots.
You lit a Fire in ma' Forest, you Mischievous Hussy,
So bend over an' spread 'em, so I can punish that Pussy!

Valkyrie (beginnings)

Here
I want you here
I need you here before me
My head on your breast
My heart's beating out of my chest...

Where
If only I knew where
If only I knew where you were lying
Where you crying
Where you were dying
Why can't I take you away from there...

From there...

Tears
So many tears
So many fears chain me from the warmth of your Fire
Do you know the depths of my desire?
Oh Love, I want you here with me now...

Now...
Inside I scream so loud
For you
To be here with me Now.

I descend into your arms
Broken and free
You hold me...
I kneel before you
My Valkyrie...

Stripped of my rebellion
Sacrificed in your infernal temple
You talons rip through all I've ever been
Will I last?
Can I survive your purging blasts?

My Wings unfurled, I Fly with you...
Penetrated by your deviance; my Darkness set ablaze..
My pulse electrified - I am transformed.
This is my Renaissance.

Chasing

Who are you?
Where do you go?
Why am I tossed now to and fro?

Yesterday died.
Tomorrow's about to be born.
Here I am now; to what do I bow?

How?

How do you know where to go?
How do you know what to feel?
What is real?
Do I kneel?
I'm scared.

Do you ever wonder what it would be like
To call yourself forward and give it the mic?
To jump out of yourself,
Turn around,
And shake you by your own shoulders?

Do you?

Am I just chasing after myself?
Am I just running after a train that never left?
Chasing my own Shadow...
Do you ever catch your own Shadow?

What do you do with it when you do?

Start of a song...

Shown my way down a winding river
You glide through my every pore
I want more...
Climb into my darkest silo
Changing, transforming, morphing
Into my my greatest fears.
You gather my tears
Into your flick'ring palms
Making Alchemy
You return them to me
As drops of gold.

Hello

Welcome to my life.
Share my experience.
Take a peek behind two very strange eyeballs
And peruse to your heart's desire.

I guarantee you'll never tire
Of the big bright bundle of flashes and stashes
That mashes together inside this insidious cranium
Delicate as a geranium; resilient as bamboo,

Here, nothing is taboo; nothing left unpenetrated.
While some flit by with plugged ears and asses,
It takes all I can muster to keep my Heart regenerated,
Writhing in and tasting every moment that passes.

I invite you on this journey;
This pedestrian magnum opus.
Not for the faint of heart or spleen
My urban wonderland keeps the senses very keen.

If you've the stomach; if you've the balls,
Come with me, for the new dawn calls.

Carpe omnia.